Microsoft Corporation has announced a new keyboard designed specifically for Windows. (Sources say there is a Macintosh variant in the works). In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard, Microsoft’s new design adds several new ones which will make your Windows computing much more fun. The final specs are not yet set, so please do not hesitate to make suggestions. Following are the keys proposed so far:
1: GPF key – This key will instantly generate a General Protection Fault when pressed. Microsoft representatives state that the purpose of the GPF key is to save Windows users time by eliminating the need to run an application in order to produce a General Protection Fault.
2: $$ key – When pressed, this key will automatically transfer money from your bank account to Microsoft without the need for further action or third party intervention.
3: ZD key – This key was developed specifically for reviewers of Microsoft products. When pressed it inserts random superlative adjectives in any text which contains the words Microsoft or Windows within the file being edited.
4: MS key – This key runs a Microsoft commercial entitled “Computing or Mindless Drones” in a 1″ x 1″ window.
5: FUD key – This has something to do with the display … self explanatory.
6: Chicago key – Generates do nothing loops for months at a time.
7: IBM key – This key searches your hard drive for any operating systems or applications by vendors other than Microsoft and deletes them. (Is very effective at removing Netscape.)
8: MSN key – With a single keystroke you will install and setup the world’s second slowest web access. (AOL takes first place). And you thought it was tough deleting all of the SetupMSN files from Win 95!
9: RW95 key – This stands for Re-install Windows 95. Since it’s usually a weekly ritual for most Win 95 users, why not make it easier?
10: FDISK key – Microsoft’s new compression utility gives you 100% data compression guaranteed. Could stand for Format Disk, but we all know what it really stands for.